How to let go
by tinybee
Summary: As Buffy dies, she makes Spike promise her something.


**I do not own Buffy or any of the characters, don't sue!**

**-Rewritten a bit. Only some changes-**

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Spike stared down at the girl in his arms. Her hair was matted with blood and sweat. And yet she looked like a fallen angel. Tears spilled over and ran down his cheeks. He held her close, afraid that if he let go, she would be lost to him forever.

"Spike..." a whispered breath reached his ears and he looked into her eyes.

Those eyes that were filled with pain, but also with acceptance of what was going to happen to her. Spike's heart broke just a little at that.

"Spike, we did it, we saved them," Spike smiled down at the slayer, his vision blurred.

"Yeah, we did, pet." He agreed, pulling her broken body even closer, trying to protect her from the cold.

"I'm sorry," she told him quietly, coughing slightly, blood slipping and running down past her lips. "I'm sorry for not letting you in," she continued, closing her eyes briefly.

Spike choked back a sob as he watched as life from the blond dim every time she took a breath. Every second was time wasted. He needed to get her help soon before she died.

"You know...I never let you in...because I cared for you...couldn't let you...close..." Buffy coughed again, more blood this time.

"Shh, don't speak, you need to save your strength, the Whelp and the watcher will be here soon," Spike soothed, wiping the blood away from her lips.

"Promise me...Promise me Spike...look after them...protect them..." Buffy muttered, forcing her eyes to stay open and focused on Spike for a little while longer.

"I Promise, Buffy, I'll protect them, and you'll be there to do it too."

Buffy shook her head slightly, her energy slipping from her even as she continued to breathe. She raised a hand and stroked his cheek softly, a sad smile on her face.

"Just promise...me, Spike," her voice cracked, tears mingling with her blood.

"Alright, I promise," he muttered to her, running a hand lightly through her matted hair.

"When I...die...I want you...to burn my...body for me," Buffy's breathing was labored, it hurt to speak. "Promise me...those two...things...Spike," Spike let out a sob, not daring himself to speak.

He could hear the Watcher's car coming towards them but already knowing that they would be too late. He had watched Buffy die once and now he had to watch her die for a second time. This was different though, he had fallen even more in love with her, the knowledge that he _could _bring her back from the dead was tempting.

"Don't let...Willow bring...me back...too tired...to fight...anymore..." Her eyes finally close, and she let out a sigh. "I love...you Spike..." her words a mere whisper.

Spike only cried harder. "I love you too, Slayer, Buffy," tears running quicker now, as Spike saw the young woman who had his love die in his arms.

She let out a breath and stilled. Spike rocked the broken body back and forth in his arms as he ignored the blood and the start of the rain. Car doors slam and footsteps rush over to where Spike sat.

"I promise...I promise..." Spike repeated over and over again like a broken record.

He didn't register the shocked gasps, he just repeated the two words as he held the body of the woman who he loved, and whom loved him, to his chest.

"No..." Spike finally looked up at the faces of Xander and Giles, both were crying as they knelt down beside him.

Giles moved to take Buffy into his arms but Spike held her tighter, growling at the older man. Xander reached over and placed a hand on Spike's shoulder. The Vampire didn't shrug him off, taking in the warmth that seeped into his cold skin. It was a rare moment for them, but neither said anything as all three men knelt there and looked at Buffy's pale face. She had on a smile, looking completely at peace. Xander was crying quietly, for once holding back from saying anything to the vampire, taking comfort from the watcher.

"She wants us to burn her body," Spike spoke to them but his eyes were only focused on Buffy, looking only at the slayer.

Giles nodded, even though the Bleached-blond couldn't see the movement.

"We'll put her at peace," he told Spike, wiping away at his tears.

Xander said nothing, just letting the tears slip down and hit the blood-stained pavement.

The sun was coming up by the time Spike was convinced to move. Xander had gone home to inform everyone else while Giles gently placed Buffy in the backseat with Spike.

"I Promise I'll protect them," Spike whispered to the cold form of the slayer. "I love you," he added in her ear. "I'll love you for now and forever," he finished as Giles drove off to his house, leaving behind the scene in which took the life of the young woman who was like a daughter to him.

Giles caught the words that Spike spoke, and felt his heart tighten all that more.

"I love you," Spike whispered.


End file.
